Some people talk about high school as being the best years of their lives. Others think back on fond memories, talking about the good old days. Me, I fit into neither of those groups. I’m part of the “there isn’t enough money in the world that could convince me to go back” pack. My family called me an old soul which the translated in teenage terms to outsider.
I wasn’t interested in partying. I thought teenage boys were ridiculous. I never seemed to find the topics of conversation in the hallways to be interesting. You know how kids would hide their phones in the margins of books and text each other through class, pretending to be reading? I did the same only instead of a phone, I had the book I was reading for fun. Of course this was only if I had already done the assignment which I always had. I was a geek, a nerd, an outsider. I loved class but hated school. I wore headphones whenever I could, ate lunch in my car, kept my head down and was out the door as soon as the bell rang at the end of the day.
After four years of misery I went to a college I loved, finally felt at home and haven’t given high school a backwards glance since. Until recently when my teenage cousin started telling me how she doesn’t feel like she fits in, in high school either. She’s an outsider too. As I listened to her talk I realized, while she feels like she doesn’t fit in, I realized that while she doesn’t know it yet, she is incredibly centered and aware of who she is as a person. She may not know it but I see it. She knows what she likes, what she doesn’t and isn’t willing to sacrifice who she is for anything. Here she is thinking she’s a lost but really, I think she has a firmer grasp on who she is than any other teenager I’ve ever met.
It makes me wonder, are outsiders really lost or are they the most found out of all of us?